she was so not down for the gang bang
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
