hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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