This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
