my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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