big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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