I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i dont even know how to be here
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
