Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize