seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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