The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
