I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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