Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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