Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
