Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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