nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
