Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
People in love make me want to vomit
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
