Me too!
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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