You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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