the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
