i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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