Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
