I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
