We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
this will be a night to untag.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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