i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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