I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
