This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize