Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize