If i come over, it means nothing
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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