Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Randomize
