She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
50% drunk capacity currently
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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