I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
