I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
