he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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