we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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