3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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