There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
