You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
