some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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