we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
