All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Dignity is for republicans.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
