The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize