I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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