I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
