Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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