I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
