I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
