I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
