this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
