we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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