As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
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Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
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started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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