bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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