i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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