i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
