Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
