I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
