You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
