omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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