Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
