Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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