it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
