my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
