She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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