ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
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Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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