watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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