Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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