I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
