my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
