I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
