I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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