I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We have started to decorate penises.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
