I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
