He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
