yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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