its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
