just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
