She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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