Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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