I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
