I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
