i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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