yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
