Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
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I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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