i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
